Next Stop - The Search for Intelligent life (It must be in the desert)

Next Stop - The Search for Intelligent life (It must be in the desert)

So I have come to the conclusion that the real reason the government is keeping the aliens in the middle of area 51 is because they are afraid that they might out qualify most of us and take all our jobs. Or worse, they will be vegetarians and not want to consume all our Big Macs and Whoppers. "Yes margy there is intelligent life out there and it happens to be in the middle of the Nevada desert." I know the men in black have probably released a few of them on us and if you take a close look at the nearest cities (Las Vegas and L.A.) it will be evident that they really are amongst us as Fox Maulder thought.
Another reason I think they decided on area 51 for their interstellar menagerie was because the government still had the movie sets set up from when they staged the moon landing and they thought it would really make them feel at home. With all the nuclear fallout leftover from the atomic bomb tests we know that they couldn't get very far away if they tried.
My grandfather always told us about his adventures to the woods in search of Bigfoot. He would show us the videos of the debris flying out of abandoned shacks and we would listen to the loud roars. Even as youngsters grandpa wasn't fooling any of us. It wasn't till we were older that we realized that bigfoot was grandpa's was of saying he needed a little time away from grandma.
So Extra Tessetrial Highway get ready cause I may purchase all your memrobial junk and eat at your tourist stop diners- but I WILL be looking for that extra set of eye lids on your masked face.
Tuesday January 31, 2006 - 05:25am (PST) Edit Delete Permanent Link 0 Comments

The Truth About Death (Valley)

So I am prepping for yet another attempt for Death Valley and I am wondering what that really means. Death Valley wouldn't seem like the ultimate destination for many people but think of it this way; Living in Michigan is a beautiful thing but come Feburary most of us become a little like Jack Nicholson in the Shining. Closed in for months on end can really take its toll on a good portion of the population up here. So its time to head on vacation to a warm sunny destination. Why not head a couple hundred feet below sea level and bask in the almost predictable 90 degree days and pure sunshine. Sure there are a few hundred rattlesnakes per square acre but hey - watch where you step and there shouldn't be any problems. -
I attempted a trip to DV two years ago. I made it right to the gate. Then I was confronted with the unmistakable yellow and black sign stating the evindent. "PARK CLOSED"
I have lived in North Carolina where hurricanes can wipe out whole islands and close parks in an instant. But on this given day in August of 2004 I realized that a couple inches of rain could close hundreds of miles of road and lock down the largest national park in the cont. US. Two inches of rain within a couple hours had created mudslides and flash floods so severe that the people who got in its way had the realization that mud can stop anything directly in its path. Two people were buried alive in their cars and the park had to be shut down because the roads had been washed out and the rangers had no way to tell how many people were stranded.
The park, with its own personality, can stop the most healthy people who simply go out for a walk. People often die just trying to reach a destination they see in the distance. Visitors are told to drink a gallon of water a day-even if they don't think they need it. You don't sweat and you don't know how thirsty you are till it is too late. When we were there a couple years ago we were amazed to see the thermometer go up as we were driving down the mountains outside the park. 100......105.....110....115....117 degrees. This temp was achieved at only about 100 feet below sea level. We were so geeked we went to the store to get some extra water and hang out a little longer. While getting our 3 dollar bottles of water we saw eggs for sale and just started smiling. We spent almost an hour hanging out cracking the eggs just to watch them sizzle on the rocks and cook as if they had just been thrown on a gas grill.
So, back to the initial point. Why would someone need to prepare for the most hospitable place in the US. Or the more deserving question.....Why the Hell would anyone want to spend their valuable vacation time in Hell..........
Just to say "Yeah I conquered that bitch, and isn't my tan sweet!"

Thank god the Superbowl is over (past tense)

Thank God the Superbowl is over...

Febuary 6th. Its like New Years day for anti superbowl sentiments.
Beyond the gazillion dollars in security, abnoxious celebrities, and horror stories from commuters everything went off without a hitch. Now there will only be a couple weeks of everyone telling their stories of how great it was to host a big party.
A friend of mine was chosen to bartend at the Maxim party and she made $350 plus tip for working from 9pm-2am. The way that works out is that she made more money than god per hour for 6 hours. She told me about serving drinks to Jessica Alba, Tyson, one of the guys from Run DMC and other turds that come into a city and walk past a thousand people in line because the party is obviously for them.
Sure it was great to have that kind of revenue come into our area and the work the construction teams did was fantastic. But I find it amazing that they were working as hard as they were in the final moments up till the game. We have known about the game for years and there didn't seem to be a whole lot of attention till the coin toss. There is a sorry state in history when a few dozen guys with pads, uniforms and their sharpie markers in hand have more influence than the residence of a city at getting a few abandoned buildings torn down.
I finish this blog with a declaration to a single resident who tried doing the same thing. Tyre Guntrin. Tyre was the man who started the Heidelburg project on his city street with the same name. He was attempting to make a statement about the buildings which were breeding rats and crack dealers. Tyre took the garbage off the city streets and covered his neighborhood, I mean "Really covered his neighborhood" with the trash. His goal was to make everything so disgusting to the city that they would have no other choice but to come demolish the houses.
The people from the berbs loved this public display of atrosity so much that they called Tyre an artist and did everything they could to protect this project.
Tyre is dead now but his pile of trash (sorry.....art) lives on and is a legacy has inspired other people in surrounding neighborhoods to start junk piles in their own yards.
Fred Sanford would probably have an exhibit in the Guggenheim if it weren't for that damned Aunt Esther.
Monday February 6, 2006 - 04:20am (PST) Edit Delete Permanent Link 0 Comments

pop copy #1

POP COPY #1
Have you ever seen the first ever skit of Dave Chappelles' first episode "Pop Copy?"
Guns don't hurt people do.....The government does.

So.......
On a quick trip through the headlines this article came into view and made me think of a line from a Dennis Miller concert; "My grandfater is 83 and we don't let him use the remote control."
Once again, only two more years of him. Of course he could run on the big ticket...That wouldn't happen? It couldn't happen? Could it?

Cheney Accidentally Shoots Fellow Hunter
By LYNN BREZOSKY, Associated Press Writers 40 minutes ago
CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas - Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a 78-year-old hunting companion during a weekend quail hunting trip after the man went to retrieve a bird and Cheney failed to spot him.
Harry Whittington, an Austin attorney, was in stable condition late Sunday in the intensive care unit at a Corpus Christi hospital, where he was flown after the shooting late Saturday afternoon at the Armstrong Ranch.
The vice president visited with Whittington and his wife before returning to Washington on Sunday. Cheney "was pleased to see that he's doing fine and in good spirits," said Cheney spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride.
Whittington sent word through a hospital official that he would have no comment on the incident out of respect for Cheney.
Katharine Armstrong, the ranch's owner, told The Associated Press that the accident occurred after Cheney, Whittington and another hunter got out of a car to shoot at a covey of quail.
She said Whittington went to retrieve a bird he shot. Cheney and the third hunter, whom she would not identify, walked to another spot and discovered a second covey of quail.
Whittington "came up from behind the vice president and the other hunter and didn't signal them or indicate to them or announce himself," said Armstrong, who was in the car.
"The vice president didn't see him," she said. "The covey flushed and the vice president picked out a bird and was following it and shot. And by god, Harry was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty good."
Armstrong said the shotgun pellets broke the skin.
"It knocked him silly. But he was fine. He was talking. His eyes were open. It didn't get in his eyes or anything like that," she said.
The accident was not reported publicly by the vice president's office for nearly 24 hours, and then only after it was reported by the Corpus Christi Caller-Times on its Web site Sunday.
McBride said the vice president's office did not tell reporters about the accident Saturday because they were deferring to Armstrong to handle the announcement of what happened on her property.
Armstrong said everyone at the ranch was so "focused" on Whittington's health Saturday that it wasn't until Sunday she called the Caller-Times to report the accident. Her ranch is about 60 miles southwest of Corpus Christi.
Sally Whittington told The Dallas Morning News her father was being observed because of swelling from some of the welts on his neck. His face "looks like chicken pox, kind of," she said.
Emergency personnel traveling with Cheney tended to Whittington before he was taken first to a hospital in Kingsville and then transferred to Corpus Christi.
Whittington has been a private practice attorney in Austin since 1950 and has long been active in Texas Republican politics. He's been appointed to several state boards, including when then-Gov. George W. Bush named him to the Texas Funeral Service Commission.
Armstrong said Cheney is a longtime friend who comes to the ranch to hunt about once a year and is "a very safe sportsman." She said Whittington is a regular, too, but she thought it was the first time the two men hunted together.
The 50,000-acre Armstrong ranch has been in the influential South Texas family since the turn of the last century. Katharine is the daughter of Tobin Armstrong, a politically connected rancher who has been a guest at the White House and spent 48 years as director of the Texas and Southwestern Cattle Raisers Association. He died in October. Cheney was among the dignitaries who attended his funeral.
Cheney was legally hunting with a license he purchased in November, Texas Parks and Wildlife Department spokesman Steve Lightfoot said.
___
Associated Press writers Nedra Pickler in Washington and Paul J. Weber in Dallas contributed to this report.